You and your roommate will be sharing the same living space for the entire school year. Ideally you will become good friends; however, because you have different attitudes and opinions, it may take time to develop an understanding that makes a positive relationship.

It may be difficult to talk about differences when you and your roommate are first getting to know each other. To live together you will need to realize and resolve your personal differences early in the year. The first step is to discuss the things each of you value, such as your backgrounds and lifestyles. Sharing background information is an easy way to begin to get to know your roommate. Topics such as birthdays, hometowns, academic interests, and knowledge of UCR are good starting points.

To get along well with your roommate, it is important to understand how your roommate "feels" in certain situations. If you can share your feelings and reactions in some of the following situations, you will be ahead of the game in understanding and empathizing with each other during the ups and downs of college life.

Be sure to take some time to talk over:

— When under pressure, you react by...           — You become easily annoyed when...

— When you are depressed, you act like...       — Some things that make you tense are...

— When you would rather be alone, you...       — When angry, you let people know by...

— When you meet new people, you act like...   — When you are down, you cheer up by...

One of the typical areas of conflict between roommates is the question of who cleans what and when. In order to make it from one end of the room to the other, it is helpful to discuss cleaning duties. Decide on what is important to both of you and go from there. If your roommate is failing to do his or her part, don’t wait around for a change. Talk to your roommate immediately. Don’t demand, write notes, or send emails of complaint. These things cause hard feelings and serve to increase problems rather than remedying them. You should expect your roommate to do the same thing if you are not living up to your part of the agreement.

It is critical that you and your roommate come to some agreement concerning visitors. If you have a roommate with friends who stay up late when you need to study or sleep, you may be in a bind. Boyfriends/ girlfriends should not be allowed to stay overnight in your room. It will cause problems for you and your roommate.

Talk to your roommate and decide what time is best for visitation. Then work together to get your differences out in the open when they bother you. Otherwise it is that same old problem of small things building up and becoming bigger than they need to be. The bottom line is that each of you has your own right to privacy and to say no to guests. Your mutual understanding and cooperation is essential.

By this time you have probably realized that communication is the key to successful residence hall living and interactions of all kinds. Strive to keep the communication channels open. Chances are that if something is bothering you, it is also bothering your roommate. It’s not easy to keep your feelings bottled-up inside. Be honest but tactful when talking to your roommate. Talk to your RA when you need assistance with conflicts.

To help you develop a good relationship with your roommate, we have suggested that consideration, communication, and compromise are key factors. The following will help you zero in on some typical lifestyle issues, allow you to examine the different ways that you and your roommate approach issues, and give you the opportunity to work out methods of resolving differences BEFORE conflicts arise.

Take a minute to respond to the questions that follow. Then sit with each other and discuss the similarities and differences in your responses. Use this time to work out differences in a mutually satisfying manner. Remember, consideration, communication, and compromise is essential in developing a good relationship with your roommate. Your RA will be having a hall meeting where you and your roommate will complete a roommate contract. A copy of the signed agreement will be provided to your RA.

An area of concern is what to do about property, including "community" property (property that can be used by both roommates) and "personal" property (those "off-limits" items). Respond to the following and then discuss your answers with your roommate.

1. Your roommate may use these possessions of yours:

2. When you are not home, your roommate’s guest(s) may use your...

It is also important to discuss some lifestyle choices. Respond to the following and then discuss your answers with your roommate.

III. RESPONSIBILITIES

Another area of potential difficulty is "responsibility." It is important for roommates to share responsibilities that are a part of the Residence Halls experience. Things such as cleaning the room, keeping the room secure, and telephone usage are all-important matters that cannot be neglected.

V. PET PEEVES  Sometimes there are things that one roommate will do that can really drive the other one "up the wall." Here is your chance to think about and list those things, and work them out. These are areas of special consideration. Be sure to discuss them with your roommate.